Learning to deal with this whole public exposure thing. So I’m going back to the important things.
We all deal with demons in our life. For me, facing and dealing with those demons has always come in the form of folding inside of myself.. Until I found writing. Writing the things I felt or translating nightmares into words has been my outlet.
We can all say we’ve had a hard life, or a point in our life that was unpleasant. I was always sick, ran fevers that spiked to a frightening 106 degrees with vivid memories of being dunked in ice baths or wiped down with rags soaked in alcohol. I spent nights lying on ice pads (think air mattress but with circulating ice water) and exorcist style vomiting.
The fevers produced nightmares that were not only horrific but recurring. They stuck with me making it hard as a child to be afraid of the same things other kids were. It made it hard to be friends with the neighborhood kids. I never knew when the fevers would come so my life revolved around anxiety and fear.
When I got older my step father became ill and I watched his slow decline. He was one of the bravest, hardest working men I’ve ever met. Even with dialysis, he went to school, went to work, and held a night job with his band.
New fears came when he ended up in the hospital in a coma, when he nearly died (and technically did), and when he would reject his new kidney which was supposed to give him life.
My parents worked hard. They did everything to give us a good life despite the hand we were dealt. Within a year I lost my real father who I just reunited with and my grandmother who was my best friend.
In a nutshell.. My world was crumbling. All I had was my written word. And this is what drives me. I do this for me.
If it brings a smile to just one other person that just so happens to need one at the right moment… Then I’ve done more than I had hoped for.
I know my dad (both of them) and my grandmother are proud.
I can’t say this enough. Never let negative words sink into your heart and mind. Do not let it infect you. Keep doing what makes you happy.
Who knows? You might outshine your own expectations, like I did.
And maybe if you’re lucky the haters will play in traffic.